Burnout, Self Care and Setting Boundaries

By: Evelyn Bos

Burnout does not happen over night. It is the result of a constant chipping away of one's energy, love, inspiration, and passion by consistently relinquishing one's power to others and allowing external forces to dictate the course of one's life (Robinson, 2007).

Burnout comes from always giving and never getting. It comes from futility, from trying and working hard and never getting anywhere. Any situation where we give and give and receive little, anything that makes heavy demands and gives few rewards can lead to feeling emotionally drained and burnt out (Ultimate Self, 2007).

When you spend all your time and energy taking care of others, without nurturing and recharging yourself at the same time, you will eventually experience Burnout (Su, 2007). Idealistic and conscientious people are especially prone to burnout because they give so much of themselves (Ultimate Self, 2007).

Burnout could greatly impact a person's physical & emotional health, relationships, work, and everyone related to him/her. When you are burned out, you can't function at your best, and everyone you care about suffer with you. It's not difficult to see that there is much at stake here (Su, 2007).

Pinpointing Burnout

Are any of the following patterns present in your life (Robinson, 2007; Eliott, Glouberman, & Mills, 2008)?
Do you repeatedly say "yes" to things when you would really like to say "no"?
Do you consistently work overtime when you really don't want to but feel guilty about not picking up that extra shift?
Do you find yourself staying late at work because you employer needs you, even though you are exhausted?
Do you take on assignments that have you sprinting throughout your day without a break and feel unable to "catch up" with the day when your workday is over?
Do you consistently put the needs and wants of others before your own?
Do you keep on going and ignoring the concerns of loved ones or colleagues?
Speeding up in an attempt to cope?
Slowing down in confusion as focus is lost?
Increasingly ineffective at performing familiar tasks?
Working harder and harder and achieving less and less?
Escapism in the form of addictive behaviour eg increased intake of alcohol, food, drugs, or over-indulgence in sex, shopping, TV watching, internet browsing?

Whatever the reason, the challenge of burnout is to recognise it is not a random event. It has something important to tell you. Burnout needs to be listened to and honoured. It could save your life (Eliott, Glouberman, & Mills, 2008).

What Can You Do to Prevent Yourself From Becoming a Victim of Burnout?

Burnout can be turned around. It may take weeks or months, and for the unlucky few, years. But the sooner you decide to listen to the message of burnout, opt to go with it, learn from it and not fight it, the sooner you will be back on track. It will most likely be a different track and an infinitely more fulfilling one. To recover from burnout you will need courage, motivation and a desire to change. Without this your situation is likely to remain the same (Eliott, Glouberman, & Mills, 2008).

An important place to start is to decide to treat yourself well! Treating yourself well starts with learning to respect yourself. You may find you run up against some old patterns and beliefs that no longer serve you. One belief many people have which does not serve them is the belief that they must put caring for others in front of caring for themselves. However, if you do not make yourself a priority and care for yourself first, how can you expect to take great care of others (Robinson, 2007)?

Boundaries and Self Respect

Personal boundaries are limits or borders that define where you end and others begin. Your personal boundary is defined by the amount of physical and emotional space you allow between yourself and others. Personal boundaries also help you decide what types of communication, behavior and interaction you accept from others. The type of boundaries you set defines whether you have healthy or unhealthy relationships (Ricardo, 2007; Gahrman, 2003).

Setting strong boundaries will help you stand up for yourself, stop agreeing to do things you really don't want to do, and start feeling less guilty about putting your own needs first. It is a part of the process of defining yourself and what is acceptable to you. When you don't have boundaries set other people will step over the line without even realizing where it is.
It's important to note that in establishing boundaries your personal needs are valid. It is not necessary for you to defend, debate or over-explain your requests. (Gahrmann, 2003).

A lack of boundaries is like leaving the door to your home wide open, anyone, including welcome and un-welcome guests can walk in without hesitation (Ricardo, 2007).

Solutions and strategies to help you (Eliott, Glouberman, & Mills, 2008; Whaley, 2004; Su, 2007; Ultimate Self, 2007):
Understand stress habits and how to change them; recognise the source of stress.

Set realistic goals for yourself that are not in conflict with your personal values. Goals can keep us moving forward in the right direction, yet they shouldn't clash with one's individual standards and priorities. For example, set as a goal not to accept a job that requires a lot of travel, if your personal values require you to be home in the evening with your children.

Manage your energy. Make time for yourself. Schedule your calendar to make sure you have sufficient hours for your own relaxation. Remember, you are the most important person in your own life. Whether it is a hobby, exercise, meditation or just getting your nails done, take time to enjoy your own company. Practicing intensive self-care is not being selfish, it's an act of self respect. After all, if you can't honor and respect yourself, how can you expect others to do so?

It may be necessary to change jobs or cut back hours worked. Ask for help or delegate to reduce your workload to manageable proportions.

Bring clarity where there is confusion. Take charge of, and responsibility for, your own career and your own life. Be proactive, not reactive, on a personal level. Don't let outside actions and events alone dictate your decisions. Measure your progress toward the realistic goals that you have set. When reverses and disappointments occur, adjust your goals accordingly but keep moving toward them.

Discover new perspectives. Can you be flexible about HOW you want things done? If you can be flexible, then there's greater chance you can delegate some tasks to someone else and respect other people's initiatives at the same time - , and free up your precious time & energy for the tasks that really must be done by you, and/or things that you actually enjoy doing.

Lift your spirits, feel confident and resourceful again. Celebrate successes and learn from failures. Even small milestones should be celebrated. Take time out, a holiday, a break away, a rejuvenating physical and mental rest. Do things to recharge your batteries, pamper yourself and give yourself the things that others won't. Look after yourself (because no one else will). Make sure you get enough sleep, eat well, exercise, have a healthy social life and have time for yourself.

Expand your horizons. Find things that give you positive rewards and feedback (new people, activities, study, hobbies, whatever gives pleasure and builds confidence).

Find the right balance. Take an honest look at your to-do list -- how many of those tasks are **truly** necessary for YOU to do? Can someone else do some of those jobs for you? What are the tasks that you must do yourself? What are the ones you are good at, or actually enjoy doing? Try to focus most of your energy doing those things, and barter or hire someone else to help you with other tasks. You will be more productive and happier. One word about housework -- get your husband and kids to do their share. They are not "helping you out", they are "sharing responsibilities" that belong to them. Can you give up perfectionism? Why are you putting yourself in a position of extreme pressure to do everything perfect? When you hold up unrealistic standards like that, it only creates stress, tension, resentment, and/or even self-hatred.

Be true to yourself

Enjoy life better than ever before. Have fun. Tomorrow is not promised to you. Do not let work consume your existence. Whatever you want to do in life, do it now. When you feel overwhelmed and your life is spinning out of control, instead of trying to work faster and harder, you should try to deliberately s-l-o-w d-o-w-n. Ideally, you want to create some "white space" in your life, i.e. pockets of quiet time to meditate, reflect, stop and smell the roses. You want to live in the present moment, and truly be where you are at every moment.

When you are coming home from work, create some kind of ritual to signal the end of your work day, and prepare yourself for the transition back to home life. Put a wooden sign on your front door that reads, "Upon entering the door, please take off your troubles. When you come home, bring happiness with you". That's a great reminder for you and your family to leave work at work, and don't let the stress from work "bleed" into our family life.

References

Burnout. (2007). Retrieved October 17, 2008, from the Ultimate Self (realizing personal potential) web site

Eliott, H., Glouberman, D., & Mills, J. (2008). Signs and symptoms of burnout. Retrieved October 17, 2008, from the Burnout Solutions web site

Gahrmann, N. A. (2003). Establish boundaries that honour you. Retrieved October 17, 2008, from the MomMD. Connecting Women in Medicine web site

Ricardo, L. (2007). Boundaries. The importance of choosing to value ourselves. Retrieved October 17, 2008, from the The Online Self Improvement Encyclopedia website

Robinson, K. (2007). Burnout. Retrieved October 17, 2008, from the Coach You Through Burnout web site

Su, H. (2007). Life balance lessons: 7 keys to avoid burnout. Retrieved October 17, 2008, from the Intensive Care for the Nurturer's Soul web site

Whaley, L. (2004). Avoiding the burnout trap. Retrieved October 17, 2008, from the Motivations and Strategies for Entrepreneurs web site

Article Source: http://www.myhotarticles.com

Evelyn Bos works as a Career & Life Coach. She delivers e-coaching services to high potentials with busy lifes and lots of responsibilities. Go to www.nzcoachingretreats.com for more info, tools and articles.

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